Divine Support Systems by Rose Hope
Photo by Gemma Chua-Tran
Let’s start off by defining what I call a “Divine” Support System. Basically, everyone needs support. Your Divine Support System are individuals "close" to you that you can count on to motivate, stimulate, participate consistently, and set you straight when you need it. These people are genuinely happy to see you succeed and do not constantly compare your wins or losses to theirs. The beauty of this concept is after close evaluation, your list may be any number of people. This leaves room for growth and building new networks. Let’s evaluate the word “close.” Your Divine Support System may not be the friends you hang out with regularly or your family. They may not even be in your city or state, but they are close to you in state of mind. They appreciate your thoughts/ideas, but challenge you, sparking new ideas and overall success in your ventures.
Sit down and make a list of who is there when things are good and bad. Then evaluate what they brought to the table. Did they help, hurt, or simply spectate? A lot of our inner circles are filled with spectators. They listen and nod, but add no value to the scene at hand. Some of us are unfortunately surrounded by individuals who simply want us to fail. Not because they are evil people, but because they like you only in your current state. They do not want you to do better than what they perceive is better than them.
Family can definitely be great additions to one's Divine Support System. Just be mindful that family often has preconceived notions of each other based on the past. Family members can sometimes hold on to "generational curses." They may be less open to you trying new things or suggestions they assume “are not you.” These assumptions can be limiting and hold you back. Sometimes family members speak from their frame of reference, meaning where they have been and what they have done. Some things are better collaborated on with those of like mind, vision, and experience. Break down those you spend your time with often - whether friend, associate or family. Make your list accordingly.
Everyone in your Divine Support System may not bring the same resources to the table. However, they bring positive energy and you leave conversations with them feeling almost rejuvenated. They are consistently happy to brainstorm and collaborate with you no matter how often you see each other face-to-face or speak. They consistently remind you why they are one of the top nine people in your life. They never treat you like a burden or make you feel stupid or inferior for coming to them. You may not be in everyone’s Divine Support System, and that’s ok. Make sure when given the opportunity to support others, you practice the supportive characteristics you seek. If an individual rarely reciprocates the same support that brings forth positive change and overall positive energy, it may be time to distance yourself. One-way relationships are not healthy and end with one or both parties feeling used or bitter.
We can't forget to discuss the spectators, the haters, the bitter Bettys, and the negative Nancys. You see their traits, but you make excuses for them and keep them around. The more you associate with them, the more you will unconsciously become like them. Like the old saying goes, “Birds of the same feathers flock together”. If these spectators are not who you want to become in the future, get your “long-handled spoon” ready and keep them at a distance.
I would also encourage you to evaluate yourself and be honest about why certain people are attracted to you in the first place. If you find yourself feeling like a scapegoat repeatedly, it may be time to get assertive, set boundaries, and let people go. Don’t feel obligated to be mentally and emotionally drained by others, especially if they are incapable of filling anyone back up but themselves. Implementing these life changes will exponentially improve your mind, body, and spirit.
Rose Hope, Licensed Therapist