Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash
I’m in my 30s now and going through this phase of re-discovery within myself, I suppose. I’m much more comfortable with myself as a woman and person in general. My children are older. We’ve passed the infancy and toddler stages, and I have a little more time for self-exploration. I’m a single divorced mama and feeling powerful and super free on most days. I can’t help, but think how amazing it would have been if I had this confidence during my entire journey as a mother. It leads me to share and remind all mothers, regardless of stage, to be unapologetically YOU as a mother.
I can distinctly remember being assigned “Team Mom” for the boys’ basketball team a few years ago. I’m not even sure how I got signed up. As I think back it was probably my ex-husband or myself assuming a role that had absolutely nothing to do with me as a mom. I hate canteen duty, I hate organizing snacks for parents that seem to forget their responsibility every other Saturday, and I couldn’t care less about raffle tickets. I did it, however…I got a stupid trophy. I wasn’t being true to myself. I was fitting into the mold of what I thought I should be as a mom, and it was disheartening, to say the least.
While life is about compromise and sharing experiences. As a mom, you should aim to be completely comfortable as YOU. Share your goals, expectations, and wants in life with your children. This is, of course, without the molding of your partner, parents, in-laws, family, friends, etc.. Be YOU. If you want your children to explore meditation and arts in the rain, then put it on the calendar mama. If you prefer to go outside barefooted with popsicles on a Saturday afternoon, then put it on the calendar mama. As moms, we should embrace being the moms we are and not the moms we thought we would be or the mom someone wants us to be. As a mom becoming unapologetically, YOU will build a healthy and sustaining relationship between all of whom are essential in your life.
1. Start saying no. I’m not sure when or how this became taboo. Let’s get back to being completely comfortable with saying no. Say no to things that don’t bring you complete joy. Say no to things that don’t align with your morals. Heck, say no because you’re tired. You have the right to maintain control over your life and your role as a mother.
2. Stop apologizing. Now, as we are practicing step 1, we are going to accept ourselves whole-heartedly and place people in our lives who are doing the same. My favorite saying is “kick rocks”, feel free to let someone know they can “kick rocks” if they are not accepting you as you are.
3. Embrace your imperfections and mistakes along the way. This is a harder one for some. I, like most of you, want to be perfect. I want to please everyone-- my idea was always having fresh baked cookies on the stove each day when the kids come home from school. Or beautiful spreads provided to both sides of my family during the holidays. I also want to be gorgeous every day. Let it go. Live, learn, and grow the healthy way.
4. Be realistic in your wants and needs. I love a good fairytale. I set myself up every time, don’t be me. We should be realistic in our surroundings and realistic in our capabilities. Not being able to achieve a fairytale isn’t a failure; it’s reality. You’ll be too tired to participate at times; it won’t always be your cup of tea, or maybe it just doesn’t make you happy, and that’s completely healthy and acceptable.
5. Always push yourself to do what brings you joy. Keeping joy and peace at the center of our decisions is imperative. It helps us in maintaining a sense of self. Try using joy as your personal acceptance indicator this year. Ask yourself if it’s bringing you joy and peace. If the answer is no, well, then let it “kick rocks.”
On to being unapologetically you!
For more information on Boss Mom Gabby 💋 check out her website at
www.bossmommagic.com and follow her on IG - @bossmommagic.